Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
