god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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