Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
