Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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