Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
