Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
