Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
