your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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