I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
