u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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