you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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