she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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