it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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