My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
