So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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