Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm always down for nudity.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
