i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
