I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
