There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
