i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
