I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
