I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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