I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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