It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
