were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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