as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
