good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
