i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You smell like stripper and shame
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
