Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
