id be glad to
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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