Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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