So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
