Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
