So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
