They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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