I need to stop coming to work sober
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
