The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
