I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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