I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
