I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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