Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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