Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
