dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
