and i looked up. we had an audience...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
