The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
