Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
