I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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