I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
