i may or may not be watching the land before time
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
