Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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