She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
