Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
