You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
